#DadJokes

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing. Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.

How do cows stay up to date? They read the Moo-spaper. What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said. “I never knew my real ladder.” What do you call a Frenchman…

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.

What does a baby computer call his father? Data.

Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays. I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came out of the purple! Did you know your pupils…

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, “I always have a few Twix up my sleeve.”