Entertainment

How do nonbinary people hurt each other? They slash them. (They/them) I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me. What’s blue and not very heavy? Light…

Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them. What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Subpoena colada. What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI. What do…

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something. People in Athens rarely get up before sunrise.…

What do you call a bundle of hay in a church? Christian Bale. A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the…

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines. If a pig loses its voice…does it become disgruntled? Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It’s tearable.…

How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints. The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of…

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines. If a pig loses its voice…does it become disgruntled? Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It’s tearable.…

It’s easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents. I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up.…

Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece. This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone…

What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable. If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The bushes. My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue. In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held…

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable. In America, using the metric system can get you in legal…

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing. Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me. I wasn’t close to my father…

A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.”…

“What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has…

How do cows stay up to date? They read the Moo-spaper. What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped…

My parents raised me as an only child. Which really annoyed my younger brother. I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa! A kid decided…

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said. “I never knew my real ladder.” What do you call a Frenchman…

Who is Coleen Rooney? Coleen Rooney, born on April 3, 1986, is a British television presenter, fashion columnist, and product endorser. She gained nationwide recognition as the wife of English…

My wife and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. My…

I have a great joke about nepotism. But I’ll only tell it to my kids. “Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun. What happened…